Loves' sacrifices
by LittleWolf95
Summary: A short insight into what could have been going on in Carmilla's mind. (Inspired by the song 'love will have its sacrifices by sole)


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just wrote this to try to get the song "love will have its sacrifices" out of my head.**

Sacrifice.

That is what all of this was to her. A weakness because she knew that it was pointless, love. Love was only a thing that would end with her tending to a broken heart. After all, she didn't deserve anything after what happened with Elle.

Sacrifice.

She hated that word, she knew what it meant. She had made a sacrifice, she had lost the person that she had loved with all her heart, the person who she had called her soul mate. And yet, as she prowled around the room in her beast form, sensing the mental manipulation of her mother's power she knew that what she was feeling for the blonde haired girl before she wasn't contempt like she wanted to believe.

But how could she develope a crush on someone so innocent, so normal? She was a monster, she didn't deserve love.

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to hurt the girl. She would not add to the death toll to an ancient god that seemed to be the key to her mother's power. A god that demanded sacrifices.

Elle...

The name haunted her dreams, accusing her of her betrayal. Calling her out for what she was, a monster. No, that was too nice of a word. She was no monster, she was a demon.

A demon that enticed young women and led them to their deaths. A demon who had to kill in order to just survive. A demon who was born out of murder.

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to harm Laura. Even to the point of getting a charm to ward off vampires for the girl, even though just getting it made her feel as if all of her energy was draining from her.

But it couldn't be love, could it?

Monsters didn't love anyone but themselves and Demons sure the hell couldn't feel anything.

And Carmilla knew she was no Monster...She was a demon.

And a demon couldn't love a human.

She couldn't love Laura.

Laura sure as hell could never love her, after all, who could love a beast?

* * *

A sacrifice.

Laura was willing to sacrifice everything in order to stop the dean. Carmilla wanted to stop her, wanted to tell her not to get involved, to run. To leave behind Silas, to leave behind Carmilla and the crazy shit that had been happening. To just go, to run and not look back. To live a normal life.

But she wouldn't.

"I am not leaving you. Don't you get it yet, you stupid, idiotic vampire? I love you."

Laura's words rang inside her head. Did she really love her? Even though she knew she was a demon? That one wrong move and she could accidentally kill her?

That was when Carmilla realized it...There was only one way to put an end to this whole thing. A sacrifice.

But this time it wouldn't be Laura.

No, Laura was pure. Laura deserved the world. Laura deserved a life away from the crazy reality of the world. She didn't deserve being tied down to a beast.

And that was why Carmilla took up the sword and plunged into the bit with the anglerfish god after pulling Laura to safety. If anyone would die that day, if there would be any more sacrifices it would be her, the monster. Not Laura, not the innocent girl who could be a total sweetheart or someone's worst enemy. Not the girl who had sacrificed so much in order to solve this whole puzzle.

Laura would get over it, would forget her. Would find someone who wasn't a complete fucking mess to love, would settle down and become one hell of a journalist.

She didn't need Carmilla.

She didn't need a monster.

"It felt like a hole had been ripped out of my soul."

She had done the one thing she had never wanted to do. She had hurt Laura. Carmilla closed her eyes as she allowed the blonde to patch her up, holding the cup of blood to her lips so that she would heal faster.

Carmilla half wondered why she felt so strongly about her.

"I couldn't let you get hurt, sweetheart."

She winced at how cracked her own voice was. How tired she sounded.

"And you think losing you didn't hurt? I thought you were dead Carm! I thought that I would never see you again! Do you realize how fucking much that hurt?"

Carmilla couldn't stop the tears that filled her eyes at that.

"I lost Elle, I couldn't risk losing you." she managed to say, ignoring that they weren't alone in the room. Hell, she didn't care who heard this, it wasn't like Laf hadn't practically tortured her about her feelings for Laura as soon as they had noticed.

"I want to be with you, even if it means dying together as lovers."

Those words made Carmilla's blood run cold. A memory faded from suppression playing before her.

"Do you think she will ever love you if she finds out what you are? Do you think that she will live with you forever or to die with you as a lover."

"How can you say that Laura? You have your whole life to live, why are you wasting your time with me. Or did you forget that I'm not like you? I'm a monster."

She wasn't prepared for the look that Laura sent her, as if daring her to continue that thought.

"You're still a person, maybe not human but you are not a monster Carmilla. Monsters don't sacrifice themselves for the sake of others, Monsters don't try to protect random college girls. Hell, monsters don't even cry Carm, but you do all of those things! You feel just as much as everyone else, even if you don't want people to believe it."

She could hear the sound of the door shutting as Perry pulled Laf out through it, although Carmilla was too blinded by her tears to pay too much attention.

"But I could never give you the life you deserve. You would have to move from place to place as you aged and I...didn't. You would have to deal with blood bags and clogged drains and..."

A kiss cut her off.

"Love will have its sacrifices." Laura stated, smiling slightly as she dried some of the tears from her girlfriends face. "And there is no sacrifice too big if it means I get to spend it with you."


End file.
